To not get into too much detail, because I don’t want to trigger myself or others, but I was with a guy for about three and a half years on and off. Things got really bad this last year, but I think the earliest signs would be how he would treat me as we were breaking up. It was always very intense, he told me to kill myself the first time around, and always very dehumanizing. We would get back together, things would be okay for a few months, then slowly they would break down again. He would tell me he hates me when he would get drunk, he’d lie to me, he’d treat his friends better than me and said that being around me felt like a chore. He’d fuck up and I’d apologize for him. To myself… and I think thats the worst part. He never said sorry. He rarely tried to make up for anything he did. The worst it got was when it got physical, and I should have left then. But I was in love. He shoved me to the ground because I wouldn’t let him drive home drunk. Then he tried to run me over with his car another time. Claimed it was an accident, but trust me it wasn’t. A week after that I decided I wasn’t going to fight for him anymore, I let him end things and I never spoke to him again. It was a great, passionate, insane love. But one I never wish to repeat again. I was terrified of him for the last 8 months we were together. I think my advice would be, if you are ever scared or uncomfortable or feel like you’re someone just because you’re scared of what life might be like after that relationship… LEAVE. It’s not healthy for either of you. Learn to love yourself and surround yourself with good people that make you happy. If anyone ever has any questions or wants someone to talk to, my ears are always open.